Through fear of the sword or through promise of eternal torment they spread their regressive ways. Over time we found another reason to abhor each other, to feel divided, to openly judge our own. The foreign culture we adopted didn’t play well with our own, for it insisted in its dark perfection while clashing with our own light. Whenever I travel from Pakistan I feel a melancholy that slowly hums in my heart overseas until it reaches full tempo when I return home. Other countries hold dear their customs and honour the old roots from which they rose with tolerance and diversity. Pakistan, on the other hand, has turned into a claustrophobic cultural mute. If culture is food for the soul then we are going mad with starvation. Tragically, we are unable to realise this in our fractured state of mind. For so long we have boiled our meat without salt, pepper, or spice, that we now believe this is the way it is meant to be. Imagine a Pakistan where you regularly socialise with Christian, Hindu, and Sikh Pakistanis, absorbing the aspects of their traditions that make them unique from you. Imagine a Pakistan where you are able to attend an event of a culture different from your own, but completely Pakistani nonetheless. Imagine a Pakistan where heritage sites are preserved with reverence rather than treated as offensive by the intolerant. Imagine a Pakistan where our language, clothing, and music remain unmolested by the Wahhabi sense of conformity. As a child when I visited Karachi I recall the streets and taxis were full of melody; the latest Pakistani pop songs would blare at every corner. Today, the only tones that feature on the same roads are the sounds of vehicles and angry pedestrians. Full niqabs have replaced beautiful Pakistani dresses, long beards have taken the place of fashionably diverse faces, naats (praise of the Prophet (pbuh)) have taken over from musical numbers. Tellingly, a musician who once enriched our lives has transformed into a hard-line preacher in perhaps the biggest indication of our metamorphosis. Recently, I came across a meme that compared the full niqab with local cultural dresses, and it reminded me of our unfortunate transformation. Inspired by this meme, I’d like to take you through a pictorial guide across the world. 1. This is a traditional Pakistani dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="533"] Photo: Reuters[/caption] 2. These are Bangladeshi dresses: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not these: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="398"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] 3. These are Afghani dresses: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="405"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not these: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] 5. This is an Indian dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="359"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] 6. These are Iranian dresses: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not these: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] 7. This is a Malaysian dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="399"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="597"] Photo: Reuters[/caption] 8. This is an Indonesian dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="338"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] 9. This is an Iraqi dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] 10. This is a Syrian dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="398"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] 11. This is a Moroccan dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="590"] Photo: Reuters[/caption] 12. This is a Tunisian dress: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400"] Photo: Pinterest[/caption] Not this: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: AP[/caption] On one end we have colourful examples of cultural diversity, and on the other we have a misogynistic garb that seeks to paint women of the entire planet in a single colour. What does the world need more?

Saudi Arabia’s long and bitter history with Iran came to a boiling point recently when the Kingdom murdered Shi’ite cleric Sheikh Nimr al-Nimr on charges of treason after a farcical trial. For some time, the Saudis had indirectly indicated that Nimr al-Nimr was on Iran’s payroll. The late preacher, a fierce critic of the monarchy, ridiculed these claims. Although Nimr al-Nimr was a Saudi national, Iran strongly condemned the execution. Later, a Saudi embassy in Tehran was vandalised by Persians angrier than the ones defied by 300 Spartans. That Iran reacted so strongly did nothing to disprove any Nimr al-Nimr conspiracies hatched by the Saudis. Recently, Pakistan tried to mediate talks between Iran and Saudi Arabia to no avail. The new Saudi-Iran crisis has now spilled over to other nations in the region and has the potential to grow more volatile. A solution: I personally think that these two countries, torn by sectarian divide, need to only discuss their similarities to realise how much common ground they share. One minute they will be arguing fiercely and the other they shall be embracing until Iran has had enough, but Saudi Arabia refuses to let go, at which point Iran would say,

“Ya akhi, we are similar, but not that similar.”

“Respected Ladies: Please Observe Islamic Dress Code.”

“Your women hate you… our women hate us… we have so much in common!”

“While Amnesty International opposes the use of the death penalty unconditionally and in all cases, death sentences in Iran are particularly disturbing because they are invariably imposed by courts that are completely lacking in independence and impartiality. They are imposed either for vaguely worded or overly broad offences, or acts that should not be criminalised at all, let alone attract the death penalty. Trials in Iran are deeply flawed, detainees are often denied access to lawyers in the investigative stage, and there are inadequate procedures for appeal, pardon and commutation.”

“Iran also remains one of the few nations to execute children and minors, as well as women claiming self-defense against rapists and homosexuals.”

“To combat the spread of Shiite Islam and ensure that the Islamic world is primarily Sunni. In recent years, the ancient Sunni-Shiite conflict in Iraq, Yemen, and throughout the Middle East has grown more overt, bitter, and violent. Now that Iran has agreed to rein in its nuclear program in return for the lifting of international economic sanctions, Riyadh fears a newly enriched Tehran will be more aggressive in spreading its Shiite doctrine and promoting Shiite-led revolutions. A trove of Saudi diplomatic documents covering 2010 to 2015, recently released by WikiLeaks, shows a Saudi obsession with Iranian actions and Iranian influence. Saudi government agencies monitor Iranian cultural and religious activities, and try to muzzle Shiite influence by shutting down or blocking access to Iranian-backed media. Saudi diplomats keep close tabs on Iranian involvement everywhere, from Tajikistan, which has strong historical Persian ties, to China, where the tiny, beleaguered Uighur population — which is Muslim — is growing more religious. [Saudis promote their religious views by] investing heavily in building mosques, madrasas, schools, and Sunni cultural centres across the Muslim world. Indian intelligence says that in India alone, from 2011 to 2013, some 25,000 Saudi clerics arrived bearing more than $250 million to build mosques and universities and hold seminars.”

“Khomeini did not envisage himself as making a revolution in one country,” says Juan Cole, professor of Middle East history at the University of Michigan. “His ideology of clerical rule, rejection of the Western colonial heritage, he felt was a universal message.” Khomeini put forward the claim that he was the leader of the entire Muslim world, not simply of Shiite Iran. That message was not well received among the Sunni Muslim rulers of the Middle East.”

“Our version of Islam is correct.”

“No, our version of Islam is correct.”

“Oh, shut up, both of you.”

“Hey, Saudi Arabia, what is your favourite TV show?”

“Game of Thrones, of course.”

“Oh my god, mine too!”

“Homosexuality is illegal under Saudi Arabia’s strict interpretation of Islamic Shariah law, which holds that any married man found engaging in homosexual acts can be stoned to death. Other punishments for those found guilty of homosexuality include imprisonment, flogging, chemical castration and execution. A court in Saudi Arabia’s eastern port city of Dammam sentenced a man in November to three years in prison and a fine of 100,000 Saudi riyals (about $26,000) for allegedly engaging in “immoral acts.” In July, a 24-year-old man in the city of Medina was sentenced to three years in jail and 450 lashes after a court found him guilty of “promoting the vice and practice of homosexuality.”

“In contrast to Iran, though, there have been no ‘gay’ executions reported in Saudi Arabia since 2002 when three men from Abha were beheaded. There have, however, been various raids on gay parties and men have been arrested for ‘behaving like women’ but the usual penalties are flogging and imprisonment – which tend to attract less media attention than executions.”

“Gay activists estimate that some 4,000 alleged gays have been executed by Iran since its 1979 Islamic Revolution. Most victims of capital punishment are executed via hanging. When public executions are conducted, the victim is usually hung in the air off of a crane.”

“The head of Iran’s judiciary department in the northern city of Rasht announced on Sunday that two homosexual men had been executed for “perversion,” which is considered a severe crime under Iran’s hard-line Islamic law.”

“Homosexuality is a disease!”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“What?”

“What?”

The 13-year-old Berlin based German-Russian girl’s allegations of being kidnapped and gang-raped by men of Arabic and African origin quickly snowballed into a storm. Her claim was the men had forced her into their vehicle and attacked her. Reports of the girl’s harrowing tale were shared across Russian social media and even made it to local television. They were met with demonstrations by an anti-migrant national right-wing political party, as well as people from the Russian community in Germany who were backed by the Pegida-related Bärgida movement. The matter soon turned into an international incident. While the German police rightly kept a tight lid on the on-going investigation, especially in light of what they were learning, Russian authorities fanned the flames. In an emotional allegation, Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov accused the Germans of covering up the gang-rape out of political correctness,

“The news that she disappeared was kept secret for a very long time.”

Al Jazeera claims he is possibly the most hated man in Pakistan. Maulana Mohammad Abdul Aziz; a fiery cleric; said to be the torchbearer of sprawling madrassas, 5000 pupils and 550 teachers strong; co-owner of the militia powered seminary Jamia Hafsa; accused of using religion to serve his politics; allegedly a sympathiser of notorious organisations such as Al-Qaeda, Pakistan Taliban and ISIS. In the late 00s, his Lal Masjid disciples began frighteningly violent acts of arson, vandalism, and kidnapping. In response, security forces hit back with a military operation. Scores died. Eventually, Maulana Mohammad Abdul Aziz became the subject of a meme when he tried to escape wearing a burqa. In 2014, female students from his madrassa pledged allegiance to ISIS in a video. Responding to criticism, Maulana Mohammad Abdul Aziz said,

“These girls did it on their own. They did it for the love of their religion, so I cannot condemn it. Our leaders have fooled us for 64 years. They told us that they will bring an Islamic system. No one was honest about it. If you are not going to do it and someone else will, then of course it will catch attention.”

“You are seeing videos of violent acts committed by the Islamic State but not the videos of violence committed by the other side.”

“We trust that you and your office will keep the interest of Pakistan and the spirit of the National Action Plan, which you claim to have conceived yourself, foremost and will not compromise on the enforcement of law to establish the writ of State with the most politically significant city of Pakistan, our Capital, Islamabad. We hope no criminal and/or terrorists will be allowed to terrorise the state of Pakistan and make a mockery of our National Security, especially under your tenure.”

“He has links to Al Qaeda, ISIS, and the Taliban!”

“Zzzzz..”

“He has preached violence against citizens of Pakistan! On his behest, Taliban Commander Ehsanullah Ehsan terrorised and threatened Pakistanis! He spreads hatred against the Pakistani army as well as minorities in the country.”

“Pffft.”

“Oh no! Look, he is a Virat Kohli fan!”

“My god!”

Overnight, astrophysicist Nergis Mavalvala’s star went supernova in Pakistan. As news spread that the Karachi born scientist’s research played a role in one of the greatest scientist discoveries of our time, people who couldn’t spell ‘gravitational wave’ began celebrating her achievement with the fervour of Neil deGrasse Tyson dreaming about first contact. Meanwhile, our right-wingers quickly started combing through scripture, seeking evidence of a Nostradamus like foretelling of gravitational waves, perhaps in hopes of winning a reductive reasoning award. But I digress. As TV channels and news dot coms broke the story, social media hit fever pitch. https://twitter.com/ArifAlvi/status/698413891697688576 https://twitter.com/kiranraza_01/status/698724547172892672 https://twitter.com/gabeeno/status/698385428668354560 The excitement ranged between all classes, of course, but the people I wish to address are the bandwagon jumpers…err… readers who usually spend their days posting anti-feminist and anti-homosexual comments in barely decipherable sentences. The same sort of Pakistanis who believe Malala Yousufzai is an Israeli/American/European puppet. The same sort of readers who think Nobel Prize winner Dr Abdus Salam should be wiped from local history books because he didn’t follow the same branch of Islam as them. The same sort of readers who believe a woman belongs in the kitchen, was born to deliver babies, and must have her creativity, hopes, and dreams stifled by a black cloth. Yes, the same Pakistanis who have two black holes colliding in their grey matter on a daily basis. I am sorry for the cynicism, but frankly, the hypocrisy is tiresome. So let’s cut the bulls***! Mavalvala may have been born in Karachi, but her professional accomplishment is 100 per cent American. She left Pakistan while still a teenager and attended an American college in Wellesley. Later, she joined MIT, where she took part in ground breaking research, developed proprietary technology, and earned a PhD. She is also a single mother, is openly gay and proud to be a lesbian. To our homophobic chest thumping numbskulls rejoicing her Pakistani heritage, this means she prefers the intimate company of women. What’s more, she is from Pakistan’s fast diminishing Parsi community. In other words, she is not Muslim, but a follower of Zoroastrianism. Most of Mavalvala’s family is settled in the United States, because they didn’t feel safe in Pakistan. An article on Dawn expands on the trials of the ‘fire worshipping’ Parsi people. After facing persecution in Persia a millennia ago, the Parsi people came to South Asia to seek refuge. In Pakistan, they lived a lifetime until extremism caught up with them,

“The community, which has long been active in business and charity, has been unnerved by the upsurge in Islamist extremist violence. One expert said the loss of the Parsis in the society would be ‘huge blow’ to Pakistan’s diversity. Only around 1,500 are left in Karachi…”

“I really thought of what I want people to know in Pakistan as I have garnered some attention there. Anybody should be able to succeed — whether you’re a woman, a religious minority or whether you’re gay. It just doesn’t matter.”

I’d like you to take a moment to imagine two people. Both follow the same religious scripture, with equal regularity yet one interprets the passages as peaceful instructions on life, while the other sees them as commands to violently confront anyone who disagrees with certain worldviews. The disparity is drastic. They read the same words, yet the comprehension is as different as a chalk or cheese. When we speak of the religious extremism that plagues the world and its driving factors we rightly mention political unrest, education, socioeconomic backgrounds, violent text, the mullah culture, and more, but what we fail to talk about is mental health. How do two people of similar backgrounds with similar personalities respond to these factors so differently? And why is a small, yet significant percentage of the human population more susceptible than the vast majority? Does a mentally healthy person suddenly murder the man he was supposed to be guarding, as did Mumtaz Qadri when he shot Salman Taseer over religious grievances? Were the students who studied at one of Karachi’s top universities and took part in terrorist activities, including the murder of activist Sabeen Mahmud, mentally sound? Is the father who takes his family from a perfectly safe environment in a Western nation to murder, rape, and behead others for ISIS in Syria okay in the head? When mass shooters are usually analysed in American media, they are labelled as mentally ill lone wolves. This much is true. An examination of their backgrounds usually reveals a history of red flags. But why is the mental state of religious extremists not considered a factor? I am not saying the tube light doesn’t flash randomly in the darkness, acting as a beacon for the crazy moths, but why is it more intoxicating for some? What I find curious is our belief that religion is a cure for mental health issues. On the Facebook page ‘Question Updates’, someone with depression, anxiety, suicidal (or likely secretly homicidal thoughts), usually posts a query a week, asking how to resolve such deeply troubling feelings in an effective manner. The answers from the masses usually include, “read the Holy Quran,” or “pray to Allah,” or “perform Salah”. Many even go as far as to badmouth mental health professionals such as psychologists, psychiatrists, and humanistic counsellors, with claims that religious scripture is the only answer. I have nothing against reading religious text as a means of earning inner peace. But although religion can complement modern medicine, it can’t replace it. Why is it that Pakistanis will always recommend consulting a doctor when it comes to visible ailments, but will scoff at the idea of a mental health professional when the malady concerns the mind or soul? No one tells you to ignore the doctor and go pray if you have a cold, sore throat, flu, or viral infection, but when it comes to depression, the answers are suddenly found only in religious scripture. If scripture was such a cure for mental health, then members of the Taliban, al Qaeda, ISIS, and Boko Haram, would be the well-adjusted folk on this planet. Let’s put it another way. Do we want a paranoid schizophrenic seeking answers from scripture or a mental health professional? Writing a blog for Dawn, Doctor Arif Mahmood says,

“The most shamefully neglected health field in Pakistan, mental illness afflicts 10 – 16 per cent of the population; with a large majority of those affected being women. According to the WHO, only 400 psychiatrists and five psychiatric hospitals exist within the entire country for a population exceeding 180 million. This roughly translates to an alarming psychiatrist-to-person ratio of 1 to half a million people.”

Considering how public opinion can sway important legal matters, there is perhaps nothing more perilous than irresponsible journalism. Unfortunately, in an age where click-bait is the name of the game, reporters unfamiliar with their subject matter often spread misinformation. This, sadly, is especially true for information technology. You may have recently heard from various news sources that Apple previously ‘unlocked’ iPhones for the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation) ‘70 times’. Some even claimed that Apple is refusing to do so now as part of a marketing strategy. This has also been gleefully echoed by the FBI itself. Some of the sources aping the news include:

NPR: “The fact that Apple unlocked roughly 70 phones in previous cases was revealed during a court hearing last October.”

The Daily Beast: “And according to prosecutors in that case, Apple has unlocked phones for authorities at least 70 times since 2008.”

ZeroHedge: “Is It All Just A Publicity Stunt: Apple Unlocked iPhones For The Feds 70 Times Before.”

“We were shocked and outraged by the deadly act of terrorism in San Bernardino last December. We mourn the loss of life and want justice for all those whose lives were affected. The FBI asked us for help in the days following the attack, and we have worked hard to support the government’s efforts to solve this horrible crime. We have no sympathy for terrorists. When the FBI has requested data that’s in our possession, we have provided it. Apple complies with valid subpoenas and search warrants, as we have in the San Bernardino case. We have also made Apple engineers available to advise the FBI, and we’ve offered our best ideas on a number of investigative options at their disposal. We have great respect for the professionals at the FBI, and we believe their intentions are good. Up to this point, we have done everything that is both within our power and within the law to help them. But now the US government has asked us for something we simply do not have, and something we consider too dangerous to create. They have asked us to build a backdoor to the iPhone. Specifically, the FBI wants us to make a new version of the iPhone operating system, circumventing several important security features, and install it on an iPhone recovered during the investigation. In the wrong hands, this software — which does not exist today — would have the potential to unlock any iPhone in someone’s physical possession. The FBI may use different words to describe this tool, but make no mistake: Building a version of iOS that bypasses security in this way would undeniably create a backdoor. And while the government may argue that its use would be limited to this case, there is no way to guarantee such control.”

TechCrunch: “So Apple is unable to extract any data including iMessages from the device because all of that data is encrypted. This is the only reason that the FBI now wants Apple to weaken its security so that it can brute-force the passcode. Because the data cannot be read unless the passcode is entered properly. If, however, you assume that these stories are correct and that Apple has complied with requests to unlock iPhone passcodes before and is just refusing to do so now, it could appear that a precedent has already been set. That is not the case at all, and in fact that is why Apple is fighting the order so hard — to avoid such a precedent from being set.”

TechCrunch: “If the FBI succeeds in ordering Apple to comply in California, it would have to build a new software version of iOS that allowed electronic brute-force password cracking. This is an important distinction to make when talking about such an important precedent-setting case.”

“We know of at least 50 threats that have been averted because of this information not just in the United States, but, in some cases, threats here in Germany.”

“Would you agree that the 54 cases that keep getting cited by the administration were not all plots, and of the 54, only 13 had some nexus to the US.?” Leahy said at the hearing. “Would you agree with that, yes or no?” “Yes”, Alexander replied, without elaborating.

“Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?” (“Who will guard the guards themselves?” “Who watches the watchmen?”)

Usually, rickshaws, as well as the older black and yellow taxis are available at every other street corner in Pakistan, and are effective in getting consumers from point A to point B, though the quality of service is far from ideal. The challenge in riding a rickshaw, especially for taller individuals, is reaching the destination with as few bruises and head injuries as possible, considering how adventurously the drivers of these open vehicles drive. Taxis, on the other hand, are a test for anyone with a fondness for personal hygiene. Sometimes the seats of these vehicles, which lack in air-conditioning, carry foul odors, especially after baking in the summer with the sweat of various passengers. What’s sometimes more painful is the process of bargaining, especially when there are time constraints. White Cab services across Karachi, such as Metrocab, are certainly better, but carry their own caveats, including higher expenses and tardiness. If I had a rupee for every time a Metrocab didn’t show up on time, I’d have enough for a few plates of biryani. I suppose this is why the news of Uber’s arrival has been met with so much excitement. Based out of San Francisco, California, Uber is the biggest transportation network company in the world. Since the launch of the Uber app in 2012, and subsequent extension to international territories in 2014, the company has skyrocketed, today standing at a valuation of over 50 billion USD. For those unfamiliar with the app, it basically acts as a platform for drivers and consumers to conduct business. All you need is a smartphone with Android or iOS, and you are ready to hit the road. As you can see, the app is fairly simple to use: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: screenshot from Uber’s website[/caption] Once you’ve asked for transportation, you can track your driver on Uber if you please, while an SMS will be sent to you once a driver arrives. The robust nature of the software allows users to see estimated costs at the beginning, and split the fare fairly with any other riders at the end. Payment can be automatically deducted from a bank card on file once the share is decided. This minimises any unpleasantness associated with haggling with the driver or your (cheap) friends. In short, the system protects all involved. Similarly to eBay, you can also leave detailed feedback about your experience with the driver at the end of the transaction. Reuters reports that Uber is set for launch around the end of 2015 Shaden Abdellatif, Uber’s head of regional communications says,

“We want to launch by the end of the year or at the latest by early next year. We will put together a team in Lahore within the next couple of months.”

“Uber usually uses credit cards or other electronic payment methods to charge customers but the company plans to develop new products and payment solutions for Pakistan, where credit cards are much rarer than Internet connections.”

“Fourteen percent of Pakistan’s population of 190 million has access to the Internet and 73 percent to mobile phone.”

“The company says all Pakistan drivers will go through a rigorous screening process and background checks, while the app itself will send riders the driver’ name, photo and car license plate and allow them to share their route with family or friends.”

Like so many in Pakistan, I was pleased when American photo-blogger Brandon Stanton, founder of Humans of New York, visited the country to tell the stories of every day Pakistanis. As with his other excellent work, Brandon shared some moving tales, creating empathy as only he can. At the end of his Pakistan series, Brandon moved on to a despicable social ill of Pakistan: Bonded Labour, which is used to victimise thousands of Pakistanis and has been described as modern day slavery by the United Nations. Like any good journalist, Brandon highlighted the issue by sharing several heart-breaking stories alongside striking photos while relating some worrying statistics about the depth of the problem in Pakistan. At the core of Brandon’s narration was activist Syeda Ghulam Fatima, who despite facing torture and threats has championed the cause of the victims. As a result of Brandon’s work, the issue earned international coverage. Twelve hours after the story went live, a million dollars were donated to the website ‘Let’s Help Fatima End Bonded Labour.’ In 72 hours, the figure stood at two million. Aside from the international followers of Humans of New York, countless Pakistanis followed the series, and were full of praise. Every Pakistani thanked Brandon and commended him for showing the humanity of their countrymen. Others still praised the American for raising awareness on a critical issue that plagues Pakistan. Some took the opportunity to deliver swipes at Pakistani journalists for not covering the same issues, or telling similarly feel-good stories, as did Brandon early on in his series on Pakistan. Never mind the fact that a vast number of local journalists do write similar stories, but readers are simply not as interested in reading them in our leading papers. Never mind the fact that it took a popular Facebook page for Pakistanis to care about an impoverished blind man on the street when they pass dozens of such people every day. Never mind the fact that bonded labour is brought up on numerous occasions in our media, is a decades old issue, and only now held significance for our keyboard warriors. No one accused Brandon Stanton of being out to defame Pakistan. No one accused Brandon Stanton of being an agent funded by nefarious organisations. No one accused Brandon Stanton of trying to earn ‘cheap fame’. No, unfortunately, we save these ridiculous allegations for our own. For the second time, Pakistani documentarian Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy has earned an Academy Award for a film that brings international focus on a frighteningly widespread issue within the country. Her first documentary, Saving Face, focused on victims of acid attacks. This second one explores the depravity of honour killings. Similarly to Brandon, Sharmeen’s work hasn’t taken long to affect change. The Prime Minister, Nawaz Sharif, inspired by the documentary has begun taking some meaningful steps against honour killings. I suppose there is a joke here that our government is now waiting for international award winning films on bonded labour, poverty, corruption, child marriages, rape, bacha bazi, and more, before taking those issues seriously as well. But let’s be fair to the Prime Minister. In a nation where religious extremism is spreading like a virus, he is to be commended for taking a stand that is controversial to the right-wingers. Because Sharia Law allows families of victims to forgive murderers through ‘blood money’, brothers, fathers, husbands, and uncles take advantage when they want to murder women in their own family. Ultimately, they have their co-conspirators ‘forgive’ them since they are family. According to Aurat Foundation, over a 1000 women every year are killed in Pakistan under the guise of honour. If Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy manages to save only a handful of these lives through her documentary then she has done more than most of us. She deserves an Academy Award for not only covering such a prickly subject, but for her skills as a filmmaker. But for our keyboard warriors, she is a villain who has defamed Pakistan, possibly because she is on the payroll of evil governments, or is just seeking ‘cheap fame’. I love that term, cheap fame. Our keyboard warriors love throwing it around, as if fame is as important to Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy as water is to a man crawling across the parched desert. If anything, this fame hasn’t come cheaply. Perhaps the most expensive cost for the documentarian has been the risk to her own life. Interestingly enough, these accusations weren’t hurled at poor Brandon Stanton, may he return to Pakistan soon. No, such venom is reserved for people such as Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy, Malala Yousufzai, and others. Perhaps they are the wrong skin colour for our keyboard warriors. Perhaps they are the wrong gender. I suppose the greatest irony of it all is that Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy is supposed to shut up about honour killings to protect our honour. Where is the honour in that? This is the same sort of warped thinking that leads to honour killings in the first place, where shame is so toxic, it out values life-affecting action. It is a pity that shame is used in Pakistani society as an invisible chain to shackle women. The misuse of honour was killing women. The misuse of honour is now being used to shame the heroes who come to their aid.

(Author’s note: Blog and blog title refer to cricket balls only. Puns not intended). Here we go. Another day, another Imran Khan statement reflecting a worryingly right-wing mind-set. This much is clear: Like the countless who voted for Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf (PTI) in the last General Elections, I shall not be voting for a political party that is full of so much hot air it should be floating around the world, that holds a country hostage through street politics, that is both outsmarted and manipulated, that consistently panders to the single biggest threat in the history of this country: the religious preachers. There is a reason why they called him Taliban Khan. Imran Khan believes the nickname was a conspiracy started by a TV channel that actually helped make him a political star by giving him more air time than CNN has given MH370. Of course, both are mysteries; Malaysia is missing an airplane while Khan Sahab is missing… well, never mind. So, what’s the latest? Well, Imran Khan informed women at Shaheed Benazir Bhutto Women University that he refuses to introduce the domestic violence bill in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa (K-P) Assembly unless it is approved by Pakistan’s Council of Islamic Ideology (CII),

“The CII will review the draft and suggest whether it complies with the Holy Quran and Sunnah.”

Is this really Nawaz Sharif? The religious-right choked on their tea when Nawaz Sharif shared his vision of a more ‘liberal’ Pakistan during a speech to the international business community in late 2015. Some thought he misspoke. Others felt he was pandering. When hours later, in response to the anger, the Pakistani prime minister clarified his statement, it seemed like Nawaz was caving in. But, no. Over the course of his leadership, it has become clear that rather than deep frying, Nawaz Sharif believes in slow roasting a chicken. In this hyperventilating country, perhaps this is what Pakistan needs. Case in point: When Imran Khan ran a circus after being controlled like a pawn that was convinced it was on a path to become the queen, Nawaz did not respond in kind. The reasons could have been many, but it was Sharif who came out on top, while the rest of the country was left questioning Khan’s competence, intelligence, sanity, wisdom, and more. Yes, the PML-N simply held their collective breaths, while PTI self-destructed like a boy trying to get inside a candy shop by running headfirst into the wall. It is hard to believe that under Nawaz, a man previously attached to the religious right like a conjoined twin, Pakistan has moved against child marriages, unblocked YouTube, put forth a historic bill to protect women, finally melted a snowball that, as evident from its funeral, had rolled into a snow hill, and brought the threat of terrorism to its knees. But wait, Nawaz isn’t done yet. In context of this country’s extremist history, remarkably, the Pakistani government has agreed to adopt Holi, Diwali, and Easter, as holidays. No, some don’t believe it is really Nawaz. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Twitter[/caption] Adding to the mystery is a report that this particular woman was spotted entering the PM house a year ago: [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: IMDB[/caption] Unfortunately, our conservative right won’t sit while Mystique err… Nawaz Sharif stands for a progressive, tolerant, and just Pakistan. In an ultimatum, the religious parties have warned the government to withdraw the Women Protection Bill by March 27, or face dire consequences. According to Dawn, a joint declaration said,

“All official announcements about a liberal, secular Pakistan and against Islamic injunctions are a revolt against the constitution and betrayal of the founding fathers of the country…The religious leadership stands united to safeguard Namoos-i-Risalat and the Muslim family system and they will foil conspiracies to make Pakistan a secular, liberal state.”

Dear Express Tribune (ET), (or should I say Sexpress tribune?) Here I was, browsing the internet while feeling very offended that the government had passed a ‘Women Protection Bill’, when I came across your latest liberal agenda spewing blog, titled, ‘Why can’t Pakistani men stop staring at women?’ This article made me so angry. The last time I felt so upset was when I spent seven and a half hours on Sunday pouring over every image and video on Qandeel Baloch’s Facebook page. That day I was so livid, I left comment after comment on her posts, asking her to cover up and not behave so lewdly for the sake of Pakistan’s izzat. In fact, some of the vulgar videos offended me so much that I watched them six or seven times continuously. I only stopped when my mother knocked on my door, and told me to go buy more tissues as we had run out. But this blog was even more offensive. First of all, why did this young woman leave Pakistan to go to Turkey? How dare her family let her leave home in the first place? Why, just the other day I complained to my girlfriend as we walked in the park while I subtly pressured her for sexual intimacy, that my sister had gotten so bold; she wants to go to the mall alone. In response, my girlfriend simply yelled,

“Who are you? Why are you stalking me? Leave me alone or I will call the police.”

As a feminist, I never thought I’d feel sorry for Junaid Jamshed. Yet here I am, feeling unhappy that he was physically assaulted at Islamabad airport by short bearded men, who comically enough, looked like they should have been carrying the ring to Mordor, instead of shouting at the pop-star-turned-preacher in loud nasally voices,

“Gustakh-e-Rasool!” (blasphemy!)

Man 1: “I bet you can’t make the public feel sympathy towards Junaid Jamshed.” Man 2: “What? Junaid ‘women can’t drive’ Jamshed?” Man 1: “Yes, no one likes him.” Man 2: “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!”

“Well, he shouldn’t have put his head in the crocodile’s big f****** mouth.”

It was over a year ago when a terrible tragedy befell a good family. While driving home at night, close to their house in DHA Phase 4 on main Khayaban-e-Badar in Karachi, a middle aged couple was blind sighted by a speeding vehicle. The fierce impact of metal gnashing on metal lasted several seconds, dragging their car sideways for what felt like an eternity. Both occupants were left hurt. The husband, a tall and kind-hearted man, usually armed with a ready smile that I automatically recall when I think of him today, suffered a head injury. Here, he performed one last act of heroism. Seeing his wife dazed, he used all of his remaining strength to drive her to the safety of their home. Upon arrival, as if he had been waiting to complete this final deed, he lost consciousness. Their assailant was the exact opposite of this man. Their assailant was a coward. Rather than check to see if the occupants of the car were in need of aid, the assailant drove off. Perhaps if the assailant had not fled, a life could have been saved. If this person is reading right now, then they should know that the husband did not survive the car crash. After battling for weeks at a hospital, he moved on from this world, leaving behind those who loved him. Unfortunately, anyone who drives in Karachi, especially in DHA, knows how the streets turn into carmageddon at night. Motorists break every traffic law in the book, putting not only their lives at risk, but the lives of others. On any given evening, any innocent person in a car in Karachi can die horribly, be it adult or child. Usually, the culprits are young men racing through the streets in their family’s new cars, or VIP SUVs with tinted windows that crush anything in their paths, or simply intoxicated people. If these irresponsible drivers were only putting their lives at risk, I wouldn’t be writing this blog, but in their wake many blameless are either left hurt or crippled for life. Let’s also not forget the families of both the culprits and the victims, who often pay a lifetime’s bounty in grief. Alarmingly, the accidents are only growing more devastating and more frequent. Not too long ago I saw a car smash into a motorcyclist, resulting in carnage best not described. Evidence of the regularity of these accidents can be found on the Facebook page ‘Halaat Updates’, where a terrifying accident is reported every other post. Here are some pictures I’d like to share, not for shock value, but to drive home the value of driving carefully. Remember, it is better to arrive late than dead: Not surprisingly, the authorities haven’t been moved by these horrible crashes. At the very least the government should run awareness campaigns across television and newspapers to educate drivers. At the same time, our police needs to be more vigilant. Then again, what can we expect from an organisation that hands out driving licenses to anyone with a few thousand rupees in their pocket? Drive safe. For yourself. For your family. For those around you. All photos are screenshots from Halaat Updates Facebook page.

His name was Abdul Basit and he just wanted to pass his exams. A student of Hamdard University (HU), Basit had been struggling for years according to the principal, Dr Furqan. As his mother tells it, he arrived late for his Bachelor of Dental Surgery (BDS) exams, because his vehicle had broken down – a frustrating situation any one of us can identify with. When he finally arrived, the exam, scheduled for 11 am to 1 pm had already ended. Here, Basit begged every official to allow him to take his test, as it was his final year. Dr Furqan told him that the matter was out of his hands, but Basit could try his luck at the university’s city campus in Nazimabad. In his desperation, Basit scrambled to Nazimabad where he arrived a full hour after the exam had ended. After vice principal, Nadeem Khokhar also turned him down, the medical student set himself on fire to the shock of everyone around. After being taken to Civil Hospital, Basit tragically succumbed to his wounds and passed away. There are currently many rumours surrounding the incident. Several reports from reputable news sources suggest that when Basit begged one of his teachers to be allowed to sit in for his exams, his educator taunted him by saying that he would only be granted his request if he set himself on fire.

RT.com: “They asked for money and told him unless he paid up, he wouldn’t be allowed in. The teacher then said ‘Here is some petrol, go set yourself on fire’.”

Ms Maima worked as a neurosurgeon at one of Pakistan’s most prominent government hospitals at Punjab, Services Hospital Lahore. There, she worked on numerous patients, performing several brain surgeries for a period of eight months. One fine day, Professor Dr Rizwan Masood Butt, the head of the Neurosurgery Department, asked her routine questions during a medical round. To his alarm, she failed to answer properly. You see, Ms Maima, who had been working on the brains of patients at Pakistan’s second biggest hospital for so long, was actually a fake. Yes, this fake brain surgeon had outsmarted all the brainless people working at the hospital. Well, except for Dr Masood. Well, at least he caught on after eight months. After he shared his concerns with the hospital administration, her credentials were sent to the relevant bodies for verification. Eventually, the hospital, and I’d like to reiterate that this is the second largest hospital in Pakistan, discovered that Ms Maima’s degrees were as real as Santa Claus. As we all know, you qualify for your work either through experience, or education, or both, but at least one or the other. Now, if my mechanic’s qualifications are dicey, I don’t mind as long as he is experienced and can get the job done, because mechanics usually learn after experimenting on hundreds of vehicles. But a surgeon? Anyone operating on my body better know what they are doing, or I’ll come back to haunt them from the dead. I’m sure Ms Maima felt that, like a mechanic, she too could learn on the job, except these aren’t cars we are talking about, but human bodies. One mistake could either leave a patient dead or sipping liquid food through a cup for the rest of their lives. How did it take this hospital eight months to see through this brain teaser? Did they not catch her before, because she was performing better than the other neurosurgeons? If so, what does it say about the rest of the department? Needless to say, anyone being hired at the hospital should have their degrees checked again and again. We constantly hear horror stories of medical negligence in Pakistan. There are multiple factors behind this, of course, but are some of these doctors simply not qualified? Of course, there is also another pattern in Pakistan, where we simply accept professionals without formal checks. Ms Maima was only fired from her job. Why isn’t she in prison? Why isn’t the hospital administration not in prison for allowing a fake brain doctor to operate on trusting patients? Sadly, the answers point to another disease in Pakistan: nepotism. Ms Maima was given her job because her fiancé, Dr Jafar, was a person of influence, and carried a leadership position in the Young Doctors Association (YDA). He, apparently, had strong armed the hospital administration into giving Ms Maima her job. It’s common knowledge that politics are a major component in many medical schools. While my own sister was studying medicine in Karachi, I would learn of numerous incidents where young male doctors-to-be would get involved in political fights in which hockey sticks and broken chairs were used as weapons. Yes, these same young men would eventually go on to become doctors. Or perhaps they were merely trying to create more patients for their field. This entire incident isn’t the actual disease. Rather, it is merely a symptom of a deeper problem in Pakistan. While the matter was brought up in the Punjab Assembly, I doubt that either Ms Maima or Dr Jafar will be punished considering their ‘connections’. Although the blame will fall on the hospital administration, as it should, the deeper illness that festers this foul corruption in our system will be left ignored.

In the aftermath of the September 11 attacks in New York, it was revealed that 15 of the 19 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. Yet the country the United States immediately attacked in retaliation was Afghanistan. Later, they followed this up with an invasion of Iraq. It has been nearly 15 years and both wars are still on-going, and are estimated to have cost between $4 and $6 trillion. While a response from the United States was certainly expected, after the deadliest terrorist attack on American soil – in the country where the event was planned, it is curious that none of the hijackers were Afghan or Iraqi. Imagine, say, that the hijackers had been Pakistani. Even if the attack had been masterminded in Afghanistan and not Pakistan, would the United States have not responded aggressively? Yet, something interesting happened after the September 11 attacks. While the victims of the tragedy were still mourning, royal members of Saudi Arabia were quietly ushered out of the United States, some of whom had ‘links to 9/11’, under FBI supervision, on a private chartered plane. One would think that at the very least, family members of a known terrorist would be questioned by the FBI, but no such thing.

“Two dozen members of Osama bin Laden’s family were urgently evacuated from the United States in the first days following the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington, according to the Saudi ambassador to Washington. One of bin Laden’s brothers frantically called the Saudi Arabian Embassy in Washington looking for protection, Prince Bandar bin Sultan told The New York Times. The brother was sent to a room in the Watergate Hotel and was told not to open the door. Most of bin Laden’s relatives were attending high school and college. The young members of the bin Laden family were driven or flown under FBI supervision to a secret place in Texas and then to Washington, The Times reported Sunday.”

“The Bush family has enjoyed a long connection with oil: George Bush bought an oil company in the 1950s and sold it, at a handsome profit, a decade later. His confidante and lifetime collaborator, James Baker, was similarly connected with oil, being a partner in Baker Botts, a big Houston law firm that represented oil-industry interests. When Bush began to put together his presidential team in 1978, it was based on a new political network in Houston, that of Big Oil (his son’s administration has taken this much further, nakedly representing the oil industry like never before). Not surprisingly, this slowly became enmeshed with Saudi interests, which, especially in the figure of Prince Bandar, a member of the royal family and for many years the Saudi ambassador to the US, slowly and painstakingly sought access to the American political elite - most successfully of all with the House of Bush. Prince Bandar, for long the central Saudi figure in the US, hugely rich on his own account, has been a close confidante of George Sr for two decades.”

“The US-Saudi relationship blossomed in the context of two crucial wars, both of which the US fought by proxy: the Iran-Iraq war and the Afghan war. The American administration was deeply concerned about the impact of Ayatollah Khomeini’s Islamic fundamentalist regime in Iran –­ previously the US’s most powerful ally, Israel apart, in the Middle East. It used Saddam Hussein, in strategy well detailed by Unger, as a means by which to counter the Iranian regime, secretly supplying him, for a decade or more, with weapons and cash. The Saudis – who effectively replaced Iran as America’s regional ally – were intimately involved in the intricacies of American policy, even coming to the aid of the Americans by secretly funding – at the Reagan administration’s request – the Contras in Nicaragua after Congress had blocked presidential support.”

“Saudi Arabia has told the Obama administration and members of Congress that it will sell off hundreds of billions of dollars’ worth of American assets held by the kingdom if Congress passes a bill that would allow the Saudi government to be held responsible in American courts for any role in the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.”

“The Obama administration has lobbied Congress to block the bill’s passage, according to administration officials and congressional aides from both parties and the Saudi threats have been the subject of intense discussions in recent weeks between lawmakers and officials from the State Department and the Pentagon. The officials have warned senators of diplomatic and economic fallout from the legislation.”

Saudi Arabia is a kingdom where women aren’t allowed to drive, can’t vote like men, must dress like ninjas, and often take the legal blame if raped. Without permission from their husbands/fathers, they can’t leave the country, can’t open a bank account, can’t obtain a passport, can’t pursue higher education, and more. These laws open Saudi women to abuse. Depending on the luck of the draw, if a Saudi woman ends up with an abusive husband or father (like the Saudi preacher who raped his ‘flirty’ five-year-old daughter to teach her a lesson) she is destined for a life of misery. These laws are intended to do only one thing: control. A woman who is controlled is easy to manage like an animal rather than a human being with her own hopes, wants, and desires. Recently, a video of a Saudi therapist with some worrisome advice for Saudi husbands gained traction. If you haven’t seen it already, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUOd2Co1M0U First of all, where did this man gain his qualifications? ISIS territory?  Oh, that’s right; he probably earned them in Saudi Arabia. Like any counselor, a family therapist must always maintain a neutral stance, yet this man revels in his biases. For one, he clearly believes wives are like pets, and must be disciplined as such. Here are some of his quotes:

“Welcome to our show, which will deal with wife beating.”

“I am aware that this issue is a thorny one.”

“I believe the problem arises when husbands do not understand how to deal with disobedience.”

“Some women disobey their husbands and make mistakes with them.”

“Then comes the second stage – forsaking her in bed.”

“Here too, some husbands make mistakes.”

“Which might exacerbate the problem further.”

“If, for example, the husband leaves his bed and goes to another house, everybody knows there is a problem.”

“The point of forsaking her in bed is to discipline the wife.”

“And not to air your dirty laundry in public.”

“Which means you should sleep in the same bed as her, but turn your back on her.”

“By the way, as a woman once told me, this is the most ingenious way to discipline a wife.”

“Then comes the third stage – the issue of beating. We have to understand that the aim is to discipline, not to vent one’s anger.”

“Unfortunately, some wives want to live a life of equality with their husbands.”

“In addition, sometimes a woman makes a mistake that might lead her husband to beat her.”

“I am sad to say that there are some women who say: ‘Go ahead. If you are a real man, beat me.’ She provokes him.”

For a Pakistani play to tackle the taboo subject of mental health is commendable. But, for it to execute the show so effectively is a terrific accomplishment. Written and directed by the talented Hamza Bangash (Baraf Paani), Suno! is a sublime drama running at the Karachi Arts Council that holds up a mirror to our society. Let’s be honest. We all know someone who has battled mental health issues. We also know how the subject is treated like a massive elephant in the living room that everyone refuses to acknowledge. Often, the manner in which Pakistani society reacts to mental health issues only exacerbates the problem. Suno! offers clever social commentary on this through strong characterisation. There are the parents, Sohail (Hammad Siddiq) and Afia (Syeda Danya Zaidi), who are clueless about the weight being carried by their son; as witless about the warning signs as a lemming about to walk off a cliff. To make matters worse, Sohail lives in denial, unable to accept his own family history. Then there is Dr Jahangir (Hasan Khan), who is equipped with all the bedside manner of a pig at a dinner table, and like so many Pakistani doctors, has no business being near a mental health patient. There are the family friends, Sheila (Hiraa Dar) and Ahsan (Syed Jameel), who unfortunately feel their teenage daughter Sofiya (Yasmeen Hashmi) is ready for marriage to Gulzar when neither has seen the world, and later react to Gulzar’s mental health issues like chickens clucking in the wild. Perhaps most importantly, Suno! also examines the dangers of seeking aid from faith healers rather than qualified mental health practitioners. At the heart of Suno! is Hadi Bin Arshad. As Gulzar, he is fantastic, displaying a complex emotional range in a highly nuanced performance that carries the play from start to finish. Other good performances are delivered by Yasmeen Hashmi and Mahjabeen Rahman. The latter plays Gulzar’s grandmother and is the moral compass of the drama. For a young student actress she embodies an old soul exceptionally well. Not all of the performances were good though. In particular, Hammad Siddiq and Syeda Danya Zaidi could learn a thing or two from Hadi Bin Arshad. Hammad, as you would expect from a veteran Pakistani actor, overacts throughout, and lacks subtlety in a loud performance. Syeda, sadly, is the weakest link in Suno! Her turn is desperately wooden and distracting. Clearly, she lacks the skill at this stage of her career to convincingly segue between frames of mind. To make matters worse, Syeda lacks chemistry with some of the other actors, seemingly waiting for her turn to fire off her dialog rather than stay in flow. Fortunately, most of the flaws were overshadowed by the better performances. Suno! also features some good set design, and superb makeup work on Mahjabeen Rahman, who is transformed dramatically by artist Bushra Fareedullah Khan. And while some of the performances lack nuance, the script here is subtly potent. If you fear that Suno! could be overly dramatic for your senses, then your fears are unwarranted. This is as entertaining a drama about mental health as can be reasonably expected, and is one of the best plays to grace Pakistani theatre in recent memory. All photos: Chromium Media Studio

Perhaps in an earnest attempt to set the Guinness World Record for longest simultaneous face palm across a single country a few days ago, politician Pervez Rasheed attacked rival Imran Khan at a press conference by saying that he couldn’t name the locality where Khan’s boys studied, for it would break his wuzu (ablution). Continuing the silly line of attack, he added,

“If he believes in wuzu.”