Dear Express Tribune (ET), (or should I say Sexpress tribune?) Here I was, browsing the internet while feeling very offended that the government had passed a ‘Women Protection Bill’, when I came across your latest liberal agenda spewing blog, titled, ‘Why can’t Pakistani men stop staring at women?’ This article made me so angry. The last time I felt so upset was when I spent seven and a half hours on Sunday pouring over every image and video on Qandeel Baloch’s Facebook page. That day I was so livid, I left comment after comment on her posts, asking her to cover up and not behave so lewdly for the sake of Pakistan’s izzat. In fact, some of the vulgar videos offended me so much that I watched them six or seven times continuously. I only stopped when my mother knocked on my door, and told me to go buy more tissues as we had run out. But this blog was even more offensive. First of all, why did this young woman leave Pakistan to go to Turkey? How dare her family let her leave home in the first place? Why, just the other day I complained to my girlfriend as we walked in the park while I subtly pressured her for sexual intimacy, that my sister had gotten so bold; she wants to go to the mall alone. In response, my girlfriend simply yelled,
“Who are you? Why are you stalking me? Leave me alone or I will call the police.”Can you believe that ET? Pakistani women play so hard to get. Feeling humiliated, I later returned to the park with acid. But since she was nowhere to be seen, I did acid on my own. Secondly, Turkey has drifted very far from our religious values. Their women are so out of control that it is beyond belief. If you have ever seen Ishq-e-Mamnu, Mera Sultan, Noor, Fatma Gul, Manahil Aur Khalil, Fariha, and others, then you will realise how utterly vile these shows are. Like Qandeel, the women on these dramas are out of control, which is why I don’t miss an episode of these dramas so I can collect information on Turkey. Also, this woman’s complaint that everyone was staring at her as soon as she landed in Pakistan is silly. If we see anything resembling the female form, we will stare at it and fantasise about it, because we are Pakistani men. Why, just the other day I saw a bottle of sprite and I had to reach for the tissue box. This is who we are. If she didn’t want to be stared at, she should have covered herself from head to toe like a ninja. Clearly, after going to Turkey, this woman believes our girls should also dress like this:
As you can tell, they wouldn’t survive a day dressed like that in Karachi.
Unless they were dressed like this:
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Photo: Pinterest[/caption]
Thankfully, I found likeminded men commenting on the blog.
Yes, she is seeking attention for sure. Though if she was such an attention seeker, why did she complain about all the attention she received at the airport? Oh, it’s too much for my pea-sized brain!
Exactly! You do ‘stare at something that is different in the environment’. And as this comment proves, we think a woman is a ‘thing’ and not a person.
First of all brother, working at English Boot House Karachi, all of your life doesn’t mean you were in Europe.
But his point hits home. She is frustrated because she never got any attention, and is thus frustrated because she got attention.
Makes complete sense.
This person is correct. In Pakistan, we have separate queues for women in public spaces and separate seating areas for them in public transport, not because it is unsafe for a woman to stand in line between two lecherous men at the NADRA office, but because of our respect. Women can feel this respect flowing from our eyes and the occasional accidental touches.
Exactly! If she was so bothered, she should have worn a niqab.
If you go to the jungle on a safari, you must protect yourself by staying inside a cage. This is because animals are driven by instinct and can’t learn to curb their desires.
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When we tell Pakistani women to walk around the city caged by a niqab, we are essentially admitting that we are no better than animals with smaller than average size brains.
There is no difference between us and them. Well, except people pay to see them.
Yours truly,
Angry Pakistani male.
Disclaimer: This post being satire is for entertainment purposes only.